You're Beautiful

Those words were said to me twice today.  You're beautiful.  Hmmm - I might have to reevaluate my friendships because I obviously have delusional friends.  :)  Just to be transparent - I do NOT consider myself beautiful.  I don't even look in the mirror and see pretty.  I do not think I look good..... maybe if I was about 100 lb lighter...... Yeah, I am my own worst enemy.  But.... I also know that true beauty is something that comes from within.  Not that I have felt much of that this week either....

Seriously though, I have had a rough week.  There's really no way to sugar coat it.  I have wanted to cry more than smile.  I have missed my "used to be's"...... my amazing, sweet, loving and oh, so patient, husband who entered heaven two years ago..... the awesome young man whose life I was honored to be a part of while he was younger, Kyle,..... my mom who is also in heaven....   Oh, trust me, this list could go on.  It's just been a "down" week.  I have felt inadequate about 1000x every day.  You know, those weeks when you try to get everything done, only to get that phone call or text or whatever it is, reminding you of that ONE THING that you DIDN'T get done or that ONE THING you messed up.  To top it all off, I started feeling stuffy on Friday and woke up today feeling so stuffed up and barely had a voice for the first 1/2 of the day.

I got a text from a friend today that had the link to the song Beautiful by Mercy Me.  I had already listened to this song many times before, but I really listened to it today.... OH, how those words blessed me.  

Days will come when you don't have the strength

And all you hear is you're not worth anything

Wondering if you ever could be loved

And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

Praying that you'd have the heart to fight

'Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight

For all the lies you've held inside so long

They are nothing in the shadow of the cross

Before you ever took a breath

Long before the world began

Of all the wonders He possessed

There was one more precious

Of all the earth and skies above

You're the one He madly loves

Enough to die

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are made for so much more than all of this

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His

You're beautiful

So, today I ran away.  I needed to take a "me" break.... well, a "me" break with three kiddos, but point being that I just needed to get out of my house and go AWAY!!!   SO that is what I did.  We walked.... and walked... and walked.  We browsed stores (strictly window shopping).  I watched as the kiddos excitedly rode on a carousel - smiles and giggles for all.   It was therapeutic.... actually, it was wonderful.  

Anyway, so on the way home we were listening to every song on my phone that had to do with being beautiful.... each one a blessing in its own way.  Then the girls and I start talking about different songs, and one of them starts singing a song... as I was listening to the words and heard this:

In the middle of my little mess

I forget how big I'm blessed

This is the stuff that gets under my skin

But I've gotta trust you know exactly what You're doing

Might not be what I would choose

But this is the stuff you use

Wisdom in the words of these songs.... good stuff.

So, I get home and am rocking my littlest to sleep and he pats my face and says, "Momma, beautiful".  That's my third time being told that today.  Hmmmm....

My thoughts for tonight  - I don't want to lose sight of how blessed I am.  I  want to keep things in perspective because God uses things to bless me that I might not understand while I am going through it.  My baby (and some delusional friends) thinks I am beautiful.....  Bottom line....I am beautiful in God's eyes and I AM blessed.