When there is no hope, there is still hope....

The doctors came in and told us there was no hope left.  There was too much damage in your brain and there was nothing else they could do.  You had fought SO hard.  Kyle was on his way home from Japan to say his good-byes. Family and friends were gathered around.  

It wasn't supposed to be like this.  We were supposed to grow old together.  You were my friend, my heart, my rock.  You were my love, my sweetheart, my knight in shining armor.  You were my completer.  You were my world.  You loved me for me.  You accepted me unconditionally.  Truth be told... You spoiled me in the ways that you showed your love for me.    

We had 31 precious hours with you after Kyle arrived.  We stood around your bed, trying to make the most of those last moments, hoping you could feel how loved and treasured you were.  We told stories.  We laughed.  We cried.  We loved.  We shared.  We sang.  I know you could feel the love in that hospital room.  

When you took your last breath on earth, it was as if my heart was shattering into a million pieces.  What was I supposed to do now?  My life was with YOU...  

So tonight as I sit here thinking, I am taken back in time to that night... our last night with you.  It still feels so surreal at times.  So many thoughts and memories flood my mind tonight.  

I stop to think how God brought us together.  I stop to think about the amazingly wonderful boy who I got to be momma to.  I stop to think of us... a family - it makes me smile.  I stop to think of the 10 wonderful years I was privileged to spend with you.  So many memories in those 10 years, but NO regrets.  If I had the chance to do it all over again I would.  No regrets.   

I have this sneaky suspicion, knowing you like I do, that you and God must have gotten together that day that Gabriel came home and planned that one out.  My precious miracle boy who came into my life and heart just five short months after you went to heaven... There is no coincidence there!  

The doctors came in and told us there was no hope.  Ah, but there is hope.  Your hope was in that ultimate and final healing - your heavenly healing.  To know that you are happy, healthy, and whole..... to know that you have walked (knowing you, RUN) down those streets of gold.... to know that you have seen the Savior... to know that you have sung in that heavenly choir.  GOOSEBUMPS!!!  To know that you have no limitations because your body is new and perfect.  How could I want anything less for you?  As much as I miss you and long for you, I could not be selfish enough to want you to have to be back on this earth.  I love you too much for that.