When Life Doesn't Fit...

There are all different types of molds.  Ice cube trays form ice into perfect little cubes, or cylinders, or even fun shapes.  Jello molds come in all types of shapes and sizes.  Even cookie cutters shape dough into these cute designs.  

What about life?  I guess I always thought my life would fit into this invisible mold - my Plan A.   I had all these thoughts about how my life would be.  All my thoughts, dreams, and ambitions fit into my perfect little mold.  The perfect wedding, a nice little house, an amazing husband, a house full of babies.....  My perfect mold for my perfect life.... My Plan A. 

What happens when life just doesn't fit into our little "molds" that we create for it?  What happens when life really isn't all about Plan A?  What happens when you have to find a "Plan B"?  

Honestly, I don't have the answers.  I am still figuring out my Plan B...my reality.  Sometimes I feel like I am on a proverbial "two steps forward, three steps backwards" walkway.  Sixteen months after losing my best friend and I still have good days and bad days.  Boy, oh boy, that sure didn't fit into my perfect little molded life, did it? 

My whole thought process of "life not fitting" started this afternoon when I began the undertaking of spring cleaning my house while the girls were gone and came across my wedding rings.   I haven't worn my diamond rings (my main wedding set) since a few months after Mark died.  I do wear his band and my mom's band on my right hand as a reminder of two incredibly wonderful people that I will always love.  There are so many thoughts, memories, and so much love represented in that wedding set.  With loving memories I sat looking at the rings and just.... remembered.  It was a sweet moment.  I haven't had rings on my left hand for a long time and I slipped them on.  They are pretty.  I smiled.  It was a sweet moment.  Then I noticed that they had gotten a little big... they didn't really fit.  That started me thinking....

So, I started thinking about my "now"... my "Plan B".  I started thinking about how blessed I am.  I know that what I consider to be my Plan B is really God's Plan A for my life.  Nothing that has happened in my life has shocked or surprised Him.  Oh, and even better... He has been there every step of the way for me - through my dreams, my failures, my pain, my joy, my gains, and my losses.  

I look at my "now".  I have no clue why God has blessed me the way that he has.  I have ten years of irreplaceable memories with an absolutely incredible man who taught me SO much.  I have an amazing step-son who is serving our country in Japan.  He makes me laugh and smile (and periodically want to strangle him, lol).  He was the first little boy to call me "momma"... the first little boy to steal my heart.   I have the most incredible 4-year-old who does the most unbelievable things to my heart every single day and makes me smile on even the hardest days.  His spunk and never-quit attitude despite his trials are a constant reminder for me to keep going.... my reason to get up on the days when getting out of bed seems a daunting task - my angel, my gift.   I get to spend time with the most awesome group of teenagers that keep me on my toes.    I have three girls who spend many of their days with me who keep me focused and accountable....Yes, I have become "Momma T" to some incredibly amazing kids.  I have been blessed with some of the most inspiring, amazing, wonderful friends who have stood by my side through it all and continue to be there for me - oh, and the new friends who are more special than words can express (ahem, Amber!!!).  I have a BFF who has been my sister since we were 3, who inspires me, loves me, tolerates me, and knows all of my secrets, which is a pretty scary thought (love you, Pam), and sticks by me unconditionally!  

So, no, life doesn't always fit into the little molds we make for it.  Our Plan A doesn't always work out like we think it should.  But Plan B can be amazing if you let it be.  Just because it's MY Plan B, doesn't mean it's not still God's Plan A for me - HIS perfect plan... His perfect life.  I'm kinda excited to see what my Plan B has in store for me, but know this - I am NOT going to try to fit it into a mold!