Fear

I was sitting and thinking just the other day about fear.  Your whole life people tell you not to be afraid.  How dumb is that?!  Fear is normal.  Not having fear is like not breathing, right?  That is what I am telling myself these days.  I just cannot understand though when I developed such an irrational fear of GOOD! 

Change is scary for me, that goes without saying - good or bad.  Just thinking about change and I get this nauseous ball in the pit of my stomach.  I can feel the sweat start to roll.  My head has this strange pounding and hear a dull roar in my ears.  I am not kidding.  I think sometimes I am the queen of fear! 

What I cannot figure out is why change scares me when it's good.  I never used to consider myself an anxious person before, but sometimes anxiety seems as common as breathing.  Hmmm, is this fear born of anxiety or anxiety born of fear?  Is anxiety fear?  I am afraid that I am overthinking fear and it is making me feel anxious!  (just kidding on that last part!)

I could go around and around with this thought process and even get to the point where I start rationalizing my fear.  Then I start to wonder.  If I am so fearful, does that mean I really don't have faith? 

Of course, these days I tend to have some extra time on my hands while sitting in the hospital, so I decided to delve into this a bit more.  Don't worry, I am not going to get all philosophical or anything.  I'm just going to share a few things I found.  Hopefully I will be able to apply to my own life and own understanding to handle my fear better- if not then I will be a very educated, yet fearful, person!  :)

The first thing I saw when I started researching fear is that fear can be good!  One of the Webster's Dictionary definitions for fear is "to have a reverential awe of <fear God>"  In the Bible, Job says, "...Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom..." Job 28:28  In fact, I was really amazed when searching out the word "fear" in the Bible, just how many times it is mentioned and how many times (most of them) that it refers to having reverence or respect for God or for someone in authority!   Good fear will result in respect. 

Of course, Mr. Webster did not leave out the fear that I am most prone to when he defined it as "to be afraid of : expect with alarm <fear the worst>.  Yep, I am pretty sure that I overlooked the part where he mentioned me specifically because if "fearing the worst" were a graded course to take, I'd have an "A" for sure!! 

Although I think my fears can be rationalized most of the time (trust me I try), I read in Isaiah 41:10-13 where God promises to strengthen, help, and uphold me so that I do not have to fear.  In fact, I guess He is more or less commanding me NOT to fear because as I reread those verses, He specifically says, "Fear thou not..", and I don't see where he gives me an option. 

Today I will strive to turn my fears over to God, trusting that He alone will strengthen, help and uphold me just like he promises!