Through it all...

The past two days have been a whirlwind.  I wrote Mark's obituary (thankful for his sister's input and proof-reading).  I made the memory cards for Mark's memorial service.  I've gone through hundreds of pictures to find ones that are "just right" for Mark's service.  I have filled out the pages in the front of the memorial guest book.  I've started making the dreaded phone calls to cancel things and "notify" people.  This seems to just be the beginning of the list that feels like it will never end....  I am thankful for the quiet Strength that keeps me focused to get these things done.  Peace in the valley.

I am so thankful for people that God has strategically put in my life right where they need to be during this time.  I've crashed at Ruth's house the past few nights (my sister by marriage) and she has helped keep me on task getting things done.  Scott, my brother has thankfully taken over putting pictures in slideshow format for Mark's memorial on Saturday.  I know there are other people behind the scenes making sure things run smoothly.  I am thankful!

I am learning to let go - let go of things I cannot control or that I cannot deal with.  Don't worry it's a work in progress - give me time.  I am learning that I need to take care of me.  I know this is the beginning of a long journey, especially since I am not good at this and have been more used to taking care of everyone else!

I think one of the wisest things that was said to me on Monday was that I needed to take time to find me.  Time to figure out who I am.  The journey for Mark and I has been wonderful and precious, but long and hard.  I am not sure who I am without Mark.  This will take time.  I wish I did not have to find me...  I wish I was still journeying with my love, but I am not.  I will take the time to heal and to learn and to let go.  I will take the time to learn to find me.

I was sitting on the porch thinking, listening to the rain, and drinking my hot tea when the song "Through it All" came to mind.  I started humming the tune while the words played in my head.  I so much want this song to be my testimony through this time and any other "times" to come.  I want people to be able to look at me and see that through it ALL "I've learned to trust in Jesus" and that "I've learned to depend upon His Word".  I want to be thankful for the mountains AND the valleys.  I want to be thankful for my problems, knowing that He has been able to prove Himself faithful and true during them, because of them, and inspite of them.  This is one song that has given me a lot to think about while I listen to the rain! 

Through It All

 

I've had many tears and sorrows
I've had questions for tomorrow
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong
But in every situation
God gave blessed consolation
That my trials only come to make me strong

I've been a lot of places
And I've seen so many faces
But there've been times I've felt so all alone
But in that lonely hour
In that precious, lonely hour
Jesus let me know I was His own

 So I thank God for the mountains
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through
Cause if I never had a problem
I wouldn't know that He could solve them
I wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do

Through it all
 I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
 I've learned to depend upon His Word.